You Are Not Abandoned
It’s been a season of change in my life. My parents are in the process of officially moving from NJ to the south. This has been a necessary change for them and will provide a space for them to breathe.
My brain, however reverted back to an ugly lie recently, reminding me of the dissolved adoption and failed foster home placements. And that deep ache resurfaced, the fear of abandonment. The truth is that I didn’t even know this would surface, but isn’t it like trauma to rear it’s ugly head when you least expect it?
But then the gentle whisper came…
You are not abandoned.
Immediately tears welled up as the words of truth and promise washed over me by my Heavenly Abba. This truth resounded in my heart, reminding little Mia that this is change, this is new, this is grief and I am not abandoned.
A perspective dawned on me. A reality hit me, I’ve learned to love. I’ve learned to let my family in and let healing take root in this area of my life. There was a time that I never thought this would happen. We are far from perfect and there were many nights as child and teenager where I cried, longing for the ache in my heart to be filled. I hold space for that little girl, and today I rejoice. I rejoice that I’ve been given the opportunity in the midst of all the imperfections and broken relationships, to experience healing.
It makes sense why this grief is different. It makes sense why this loss feels different.
Johnnyswim penned these lyrics that sum up grief and letting things matter:
So if it matters, let it matter,
If your heart's breaking let it ache
Catch those pieces as they scatter
Know your hurt is not in vain
Don't hide yourself from the horror
Hurt today, here tomorrow
If it's fragile and it shatters
Let it matter, let it matter
In the best way possible these lyrics help make meaning to the grief that’s here. I’ve shared with a couple of dear friends that this season has held joy and it’s held heartache. There is space for both. It does not need to be one or the other. I get to speak truth to that little girl, who feared abandonment, never knowing if she would ever be free from its grasp. And God provided that gentle whisper, you are not abandoned.
May this truth wash over you as well, that the God of all creation, lovingly made you, knows you, has a plan for your life and whispers the truth to your aching heart that you are not abandoned.
